An Artists Awakening: My Journey as a Photographer of the female form
Recently, I was going through a box of old prints from the 90s and came across this image which was the first image I created of a female body. Using my F100HP camera and TriX film, I captured this image and my life was forever changed.
I was recently cleaning out my drawers and found this photo and it catapulted me back the the day it was taken.
It was an early crisp cool morning in San Francisco in 1991. I found myself navigating the cobbled streets south of Market, a slight hangover throbbing in my temples. The remnants of an office party the night before lingered, but my anticipation for the class ahead kept me moving forward. I was attending my first and only class on photographing nudes of women, a subject that had always intrigued me. Little did I know, this two-hour session would change the trajectory of my life and career forever.
I arrived at the modest studio and glanced around. I realized with a pang of discomfort that I was the only woman in the room. The class was filled with men, most of them significantly older than me and all of them wearing photo vests. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and found a seat at the front, determined to make the most of this opportunity.
As the instructor began to speak, the doors at the back of the studio opened, and a stunning model stepped onto the black backdrop (the same brand of backdrop that I continue to use to this day). She was tall, with an ethereal beauty that captivated the room instantly. The men around me reacted slowly clicking away but in an indifferent almost disinterested way. But my gaze was different. I saw the model not just as a subject, but as a story, a composition of light and shadow, strength and vulnerability.
The first half of the class proceeded with me capturing moments that spoke to my soul including making the photo that I have posted here. I moved around the model, connecting less with my camera and more with the vision that was starting to form in my mind. I felt a connection with the model, an unspoken understanding of the beauty and power of the female form.
During the break, I overheard snippets of conversation from the men around me. Their words were focused on the technical aspects, the apertures, the shutter speeds, their lens choice. It was then that the second half of the class was announced: boudoir-style photography. The same beautiful model reappeared, this time in ripped fishnet tights, straddling a café chair. The transformation was stark, and the reaction from the men was immediate and overwhelming. They leapt from their seats, cameras firing incessantly, their energy almost frenzied.
I stood frozen, my camera hanging loosely from my hand. I felt a wave of shock and a sudden clarity. These men were seeing something entirely different from what I saw. Where I had seen strength and grace, they were fixated on seduction and objectification. It was in this pivotal moment that I understood the profound difference between the male gaze and the female gaze.
The male gaze, a concept widely discussed in feminist theory, refers to the way visual arts are often structured around a masculine viewer. It emphasizes a way of seeing that objectifies women, reducing them to mere subjects of male pleasure. The female gaze, in contrast, offers a perspective that is empathetic, nuanced, and holistic. It captures the essence of the subject beyond physical appearance, revealing deeper layers of identity and emotion.
My realization was profound. I understood that the world needed more women photographing women, offering a perspective that was desperately lacking. The beauty I saw in the model was not just in her form, but in her humanity, her presence, her story. I knew that my journey as an artist was about to take a significant turn.
With renewed determination, I lifted my camera and began to shoot. I focused on capturing the strength and dignity of the model, despite the chaotic energy around me. I found angles and moments that highlighted the model's power and resilience. But I still had a feeling of shock. I ended up leaving the class early, but with a profound sense of purpose I had never felt before.
That day marked the beginning of my journey as a pioneer in the world of photography. Over the next three decades, I dedicated myself to exploring and celebrating the female form through my lens. I became particularly known for my work in maternity photography, capturing the profound beauty and strength of women in their most vulnerable and powerful states.
My work has always been driven by the belief that the female voice and gaze are essential in the world of visual arts. My photographs tell stories of resilience, grace, and beauty from a perspective that is deeply empathetic and respectful. I have spent my career challenging the dominant narratives and offering a fresh, empowering view of womanhood.
Looking back today, I can see how that two-hour class in 1991 was a turning point. It was a moment of awakening, where I recognized the importance of my unique perspective and the need for more female photographers to share their vision. Today, I am celebrated not just for my technical skill, but for my ability to capture the true essence of my subjects.
In every photograph I take, I continue to celebrate the strength, beauty, and dignity of women, honoring their stories and capturing their essence with a gaze that is both empowering and transformative.